Karmic backlash?

Is that how you spell karmic? karmick? ....=_=;;

Dammit the Job i was up for was filled from within the company! XO augh!
But I did hear that I got really positive reviews from the people that interviewed me and I'm like at the top of the list if they decide they need extra people or if another similar level job opens up! :D yay!
I was totally racking my brains trying to figure out what it could have been that I did wrong, but apparently it was nothing, I did everything right! :D

I wonder if this means the whole nice guy thing is gonna backlash then? o_O;;

My karma has always been totally kind but when it bites it bites hard enough to make me cry.

Karma is a fickle bitch

My karma is permanently screwed up. I'm waiting for a call back from warner brothers. The job I had interviewed for starts tomorrow, and i was supposed to have heard from the HR guy, or at least that's what the people I interviewed with on monday last weak said. But I didn't hear from him so I called him on thursday and he told me he was finding out the next day from his bosses who he was supposed to hire. I didn't hear from him on monday so i left a message around 3:30-4pm. Didn't hear back. I did however, get a call back from him today, Tuesday, but I have no idea what he's gonna say. I just have to keep reminding myself that I still have a job and a life whether I get this job or not. I just want it so badly that it almost hurts.

But getting back to karma. When I first got the call for this job I had just had the shittiest week i've had in a long time. It always seems to go like that, my life will be just normal, but then one after the other, I'll start to have problems that all pile up, like my karma, my luck! is saving itself up for something big. A job at warner brothers, to me that would be big.

But at the same time as my interviews going really well, I started seeing a really nice guy. And suddenly my saved up good karma is draining at an alarming rate, and warner doesn't call me. Though maybe he talks about himself a little too much, he's really a nice guy who means well, I think we put up with each other quite nicely for the time being. It's just....I really wanted that job. =_=,,*tear*

Now I'm just sitting here waiting to hear back from the HR guy since I was returning his call that I missed. augh. I am so upset that I missed it.
........

Journalists....shouldn't fly helicopters

I had a dream last night that I and my friend owen were both journalists flying helicopters to crack a big piece on what I can only assume were mob bosses. My personal vision looked like one of those first person fighter pilot games. But then owen died. He kept flying in circles above the mob guy's car and I can't remember how but the helicopter crashed and blew up....and owen died.

I have such violent dreams lately. lol

suprisingly gorey

So I had a dream last night where I was teaching myself to be a murderer. I would kill people and think this isn't right, but it was making me feel so much better. So i tentatively continued killing a very small infrequent amount of people. That is until my brother who was a motorcycle racer died. And when I watched the footage of him crashing, it was really obvious how the other driver purposely landed his bike on him and squished it down a bit before he kept going. Then when he was trying to be checked by a medic, keep in mind he's lying on his stomach blood starting to flood everywhere. When the medic grabbed his suit and flipped him over and opened it, guts and blood just like, EXPLODED everywhere. it was super gross.
So I go down to the track and I find the other driver and kill him. and that other driver got his cause I skewered him on a pole(again guts and blood everywhere, like a video game). ^_^;;
But in addition to the other driver, there was a security guard who just "got in the way" and I had to take care of him. I may have killed the medic too but I can't remember. and no one came after me for it! I think people agreed on what I felt happened lol. It was weird. But that turned me into a murderer cause I just remember that me in the dream after my brother died was no longer hesitant about killing people.
And then my alarm woke me up before I could kill again! haha XD

American Cancer Society Gallery Event

So I joined a relay for life team and participated, however, the one I was on was an artist team. The way this worked is that while the other teams walked for 24hr straight, we had at least one painter, painting for 24hrs straight. It didn't really work out that way this year because it was so cold we weren't able to barely keep our brushes straight. So we all went home but we did complete our paintings and they are all now on sale at the GCS Gallery in Santa Ana, with all the proceeds going to the American Cancer Society towards cancer research.

If you want to check out all the artwork the artists donated, the work will be hanging there for sale until June 4th! Parking is free after 8pm, but everything is metered or there is a $3 parking lot right around the corner from the gallery on 3rd street.

There is a lot of great art there so, Please go take a look!

GCS Gallery

209 N. Broadway
Santa Ana, CA

When it rains it pours

I've been applying to jobs like crazy. Not just good office jobs but store jobs too, and I just got hired by one company but the other store that I really wanted to work for now called me for an interview that I have to leave for in 30 minutes. I'm so stressed because of how much I want to work for them but my sense of loyalty and responsibility is making my stomach cramp. idk how the job I just go hired at could accept me only being available 2-3 days. wouldn't they be mad?
It's been months since I was able to find a job. but, idk what will happen so I'm going to go to the interview and see what is being offered to me and what I can take for myself. I like both the places, but idk what else can be done at this point. I'll have to see what happens.

Cougartown

Just started watching the first five minutes of cougartown. I've heard horrible things about that show but recently started hearing that it was good so I decided to start watching it. I'm about five minutes in and it's actually pretty funny so far. We'll see how I feel by the end of the first episode, but gee, who ever though that HOT middle aged rich women had it so tough!

Ghost!!!! D:(

OMG I have a ghost!! I was sleeping this morning and it felt like someone put their hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and turned a little and it still felt like the hand was there. But when I turned to look assuming it was my sister, there was no one there and my door was shut!!! XO omg!!!

Kourtney, Armondo, Me, & The Scorpion

I had a dream last night...Armondo was in it...I think he was a chicken and he cut off his own left food so he could try fried chicken. he gave some other creature some other kind of food for getting him the fried chicken...don't remember what it was.
And there were two scorpions and a spider. clear white spiders that were killing women and i saw one run across the floor but then saw the scorpions there and the big one had black widow markings. I was having trouble seeing below chest level in my dream and I was screaming to Kourtney to kill the scorpions and she produced a scorpion trap somehow which was really an oddly shaped cardboard tube. But it actually went into it and we trapped it! I don't remember much else but isn't that all weird enough? o_O!!!

The Interwebs

started drawing on an online chat again and omg I have no idea what the net slang is!
Luckily I found a website that with decipher it for me! www.internetslang.com
God I am so out of the loop =_=
Somebody kept typing ovo. I'm like ovo? OVO?! what the hell does that mean?!
it means obviously for those dying to know.

I Used To Dream

I used to have this recurring dream that I loved where I was just floating in the ocean. I was never sure if I was looking up at the sky or if I was floating in the sky and looking down at the sea. I wish I could have that dream again, it was the best. Although I always woke up really roughly because I would do that thing where I would dream I stopped breathing/getting oxygen and actually would IRL, or my leg would get sent one of those electrical test pulses and twitch, waking me.

Usually it would be the one where I started suffocating. To be honest I think the whole experience not just the floating feeling was why I liked it. I've always felt very at home in the water though, like I never need another breath of air again. Although of course I always do, and have to get more. ....But it's always so silent and calm.

Follow the yellow brick road

My mind feels so empty and blank the last few days. Unfocused again. It seems like all the things I really want aren't possible. The road less traveled is often way more fun, but sometimes I wish that it were like the Wizard of Oz and you could just follow the yellow brick road. But it has to be brick cause if it were a snow road covered in pee that would just be gross.

Bitter End

Gotta run and take care of a few things, but the background set I was on yesterday was was pretty fun. not at all sexist like my friend was telling me. Everyone was really nice. Looks like if the backgrounds that I'm in dont get cut you should be able to see me in the background of the bitter end bar in season 4 episode 3. :P But they probably will be cut.

I'll update more a little later but for now I gotta run!

Mad Men

So I've got my location and time for my background acting gig for "Mad Men" I hope it wont be as bad as everyone says background acting is. My friend told me he got shoved into a room with one light with a bunch of other background actors from early in the morning to 3 in the afternoon before they told them they needed them. D: God I hope that doesn't happen to me!
They told me to wear hot roll curlers in my hair but those things are like $40 which is probably just a little less that I'll make on the set. But hell I'm not spending my whole pay check on that. I already bought pantyhose. It just ain't gonna happen. In any case, I'm gonna curl my hair with a curling iron before I go, and hopefully that will be enough that they wont yell at me.

Can I write?

Should I write? probably not. Has that ever stopped me or anyone else before? Heck no!

And thus I've come to the conclusion I'm gonna write a book, cause if those people can lure the childrens with crap like twilight and potter (though granted potter wasn't bad till about the 5th or 6th book), then I should sure as shootin' be able to as well.

Thus based on current trends and my own personal preference. I've started to write a novel about super heroes. :D
God forbid I ever complete anything, but it's not the first lengthy task I've ever taken on and completed, hope to complete.

I've got the first page done, and I'm hopeful that it wont be a complete piece of trash. XD hahaha.

Shave and hair cut...

Well, I went to my costume fitting for mad men today. Got a relatively cute outfit. but if they go with the pants over the dress(which I did like better), lol they were so tiny, with a zipper on each side, that I could only zip one side and had to be like oh well the sweater hides it. XD LoL that's gonna be a fun day on the shoot. haha.
In any case they also gave me a pretty cute 60's hair cut. Except they were like all you need is pantyhose and now they're asking me to put my hair in heated curlers. fuck, I dont own those! And I think they may be expensive too. XD I'm gonna do what I can but they didn't tell me I needed those when I first took the job and they can't change it so late in the game and expect me to just magically appear with them and waste all my money on things I dont need or have money for!

But I got a lot done today other than the fitting. I also was able to renew my website subscription for my portfolio www.lightboxhero.com and to fix my student loan issues. There is apparently something where if you pay on time for 3 years they lower your interest 1% percent! :D And I was late the first payment just a bit cause it didn't say when it was due. but idk hopefully they accept my request for reinstatement.

Oh troubled life. But I'm gonna handle this shit. and Work It Out.

difficulty

I've been getting things done, but the last few nights I haven't really been able to sleep so I'm super tired, and yet again tonight feels like it's just gonna add to it.

But at least i got the location call about where to go for my fitting for mad men. I am going to be a folk woman. lmao. That word makes me think of a little old lady in a babushka XD hahahaha

WHYYYYYYyyyyy

why is it sleep is so fantastic, it's just getting to sleep that is hard. ugh! I'm dying here. I wanna sleep so bad.

Tireddddd

I'm so exhausted from today, I can't even make a real post.

I can't even think things right now I'm so tired. So, very plain and straight forward. I got up, I applied to a job, went to my friend's house, applied to more jobs, went to jimmy kimmel live, then went back and looked at even more jobs, and booked a background job. Then went for food at a really good Chinese restaurant we found.

Now I am dead tired watching In Plain Sight. Barely keeping my eyes open.

Wishing

Kinda wishing I was dead. I've always really hated being alive and always wished I'd never been born.

I accidentally hurt a friend of mines feelings by saying something I didn't know they'd be sensitive about and have no idea what to do to fix it as apparently fully meant apologies aren't allowed....


Lets face it now, I'm a waste of space and we'd all be better off if I were dead. =_=

You were loved

You know sometimes I really think I'm the only one that knows how to respect a lovers feelings properly. Be upfront, honest, don't hold back. You're clearly a far more damaged person than I or probably anyone thought you were, but respect yourself and respect others. Focusing on yourself doesn't mean being selfish towards others.

A pleasant memory as well as a deep regret, not for being with you but for your own lacking character as a human being, a lacking respect for yourself. Reflecting this upon others in such a distrusting way as to disrespect them. I can't help but feel an immense pity for you. It's a paradox. You wont love yourself until you respect others and treat them kindly. Through your actions become the person YOU can be proud of and respect.

But Please, if there's one last thing that I can give you, I hope you'll remember...It's not the time, amount or type.

It's that you're loved.
You were, and always will be.

(that length of time and place
will never again not exist)

*addition
I just read something that I wanted to add that I felt explained it more thoroughly.

"Time is eternal but it isn't given equally" The time that it existed will always be there, but the classic phrase all things come to an end. It's existence never changes but it's continuation does.

To the Center

Central Casting has open non-union registration between 10:30-11:30a. I was nervous to go by myself, especially since I thought I wouldn't be going alone, until I realized my friend had bailed on me. I woke up early, got ready and finished up filling out my paperwork before going down. I slugged about debating between going and waiting till Wednesday since it was already 11am by the time all this was done. Waiting another 10min before I decide to go down and scope out the area, since I was told that parking would be extremely difficult, I make it there by 11:26. I think, there is five minutes before the end, maybe I should just go in? I had everything I needed with me just in case anyway. So at 11:28 I park, very close by luckily, and gather my things out of the car. By 11:30 I'm walking in and hopping in line which amazingly is still open. I get everything taken care of and I am waiting to get my photo taken when I make friends with someone in line, who just happens to mention City Walk and that he has an annual pass to the park.

I end up going to Bubba Gumps and getting the delicious spicy tenders *drools* and when we're done eating he wants to go into the park. I of course working there get in free so not having anything planned for the day oblige and accompany my new friend. We tramp around the park all afternoon and exhausted we leave the amusement park and head over to the regular park and start to figure out our Central Casting packets. Oh what a waste that $25 seemed right then, there were only !!!2!!! And my friend said all the ones on the mens line were old and not even from any recent time. We then headed to Panera bread to work online on my computer as the sun went down and turned the air a little too chill.

It was a fun day all in all. A little exhausting but fun.

Just got back from meeting up with Lou with whom I'm working on a pitch idea. If something came out of that, with how much effort we're expending on it, that would be great. Then I could stop looking at all these shitty jobs. =_=

You Should Know

I like your smile
I like the way you say my name
You didn't want to hurt me then
I never knew it had changed.

At your age, you should know
know, it's not the time...
It's the love

Not the amount, It's the love
It's the love

Don't you know when you're not honest
It hurts me more than you can know
So know, When you are,
I can let it go

Because at your age, you should know
know, it's not the time...
It's the love

Not the amount, It's the love
It's the love

You must have thought I was psychic
with the way you decided all on your own.
I never could have known.
Not unless you let me know.

Because at your age, you should know
it's not the time...
It's the love

Not the amount, It's the love
It's the love

At your age, you should know
it's not the time
Not the time
It's the love

Not the time or amount...
....
....
It's the love

Monetary Freedom & The Long Run

Sleeping till noon is probably one of the greatest joys possible in life. However, a little detrimental I'd wager to finding a job. I like many, am in that position. Trying to change that may even be more difficult that having a job. My friend and I are combining forces tomorrow to offer each other support not to mention ideas and are heading out to scope the town.

One of our planned stops is going to be central casting. There are many a coastal transplant that have paid their bills by working hard calling in and getting background jobs through their phone systems. Although I've heard they are more partial/helpful to people that are more towards attractive than plain. Luckily I'm more on the attractive side...at least I think so...so maybe I'll have a good chance at getting some work.

I may love animation, and want badly to become part of that world. But I'm not a fool and I'm perfectly willing to pursue any direction that affords me the monetary freedom to support my basic needs(food, shelter, & ) as well as my non basic needs(partying, fun & amusement, dates). Not to mention, that monetary freedom would allow me to save and work on animation for myself at home, and at some point if I so choose, could reignite my passion for animation.

I'm trying to think as broadly and long term as I possibly can.

Because I need a Job

This is the line that runs through everyone's head when they get asked during an interview, "why do you want to work for this company?". Why is it that companies have trained their managers to see it differently, when in fact this is more than likely the reality of it. They force people to come up with Bullshit excuses for bullshit questions. "I just thought it would be an interesting and challenging place to work."(*inner thought* not really though).
They somehow want to be sure that you wont leave after a month of training because you found a job you like more. Even if that happened, for most people things don't come that easily. Just because it's not your number one dream company doesn't mean you wont stick around or do a smashing job. Why does this have to be a bad thing? Needing a job=wanting to work=wanting to be responsible and handle the financial debts of your life. That's what I need a job says to me.

Because I need a job, is to want to take responsibility for yourself.

Romantically Challenged

You know i'm sitting here watching this new show Romantically challenged and thinking...why is it that people associate a deep connection during dating with someone is based on the fact of whether or not they have things in common. To think that's all it takes to be friends/lovers with someone, or that, that is the basis with which everything lies to be such, to me is ridiculous.

The secret lives of Pirates

You walk past them on the street, you sit next to them in the doctors office waiting room, but do you ever suspect they could be PIRATES?! Of course I'm talking about internet pirates. I think one of the main reasons people pirate is not only because it's free but because of the convenience of it. Of course the companies making these movies and music complain greatly of the financial distress it causes them. If that's the case then they need to become more innovative in their thinking because if they think people are going to stop they are sorely mistaken. Buying a $30 DVD just isn't something people want to do anymore. They don't NEED to do it anymore. There are other ways for them to get what they want. As I've said, all they need is a DVD burner, a DVD burning program and a digital file of the movie.

Netflix is a great company offering people that love movies but dont have a need for buying tons of space taking DVD's an affordable rentals system at a decent price. One of their main problems has been that they have a wait time for the movies as they are sent by mail. They recently offered solutions to this problem for their customers by offering direct online watching of videos either on the computer or by using their internet ready gaming systems as a conduit for plugging into their available movies online. Very cool stuff technology wise.

It's going to be a long time before they give all those pirates out there a reason not to crack programs and rip DVD booty. But they need to learn from example and start brainstorming if they dont want to catch fire like a broke down motherboard. Of course we love the movies they put out...well most of the time...ok sometimes. But they need to stop being greedy and accept what's happening with the economy and also with the shift in technology. Both business and life are a constant adaptation. I hope we can all learn quickly enough to not get our booties pirated.

O_o

Grillin' the Park

Had my birthday in the park. God I am such a good cook :D I made some gourmet seasoned burgers. They were unanimously decided delicious, even by the picky eaters, including my sister and you have no idea what getting her to admit something is good is like. :P I also made BBQ chicken shish-kabobs which didn't turn out quite as well, just a little bland cause they needed salt and pepper but I had like NO time to get it all together, and was actually late to my own "Beefy BBQ".

Some tool actually invited himself to the party because i left it an open invite even though there was a definite guest list just in case i missed someone. =_= He said something rude to me a while back and then tried to even deny it saying I misunderstood by twisting his own words. It was ridiculous. And he told me he wasn't above an apology if he offended, but then didn't follow with an apology. So I told him he wasn't allowed to come if he didn't apologize and he did, but he first has to of course get in that he already apologized but he's sorry anyway. *rolls eyes* So I let him come, whatever. And as everyone was breaking up after putting all my stuff into my car, he's there harassing MY friends, people he doesn't even know about his shitty website that rates films! I'm just like exchanging looks with my two friends who also know him going wtf does he think he's doing?! Luckily Hannah has the brilliant idea to say to him "Ok, pitch over, pitch over." Thank you Hannah you are a goddess!

Aside from the aforementioned irritation, it was a fantastic day. Also, I ended up with like every scrap of spare food at that party. lol I didn't even want it but then neither did anyone else. haha Too many bags of chips. X| I'm gonna gain back that 10lbs I lost! :'(

Well now time to go try and find a job *tear* now there is something to really cry about =_=

I want to CMYK your heart

You know I wish I could write or say something profound that everyone would refer to or consider powerful and wise. but I have yet to find that thought of greatness. The circumstances being such I've always wanted to write a book. Maybe it's something like, more words, more chance to find and contain the spark of greatness.

When I was younger I started reading comic books. And as I got older I started thinking more about the values and lessons of those books and of the children's books that I read and were read to me. There are a lot of people that have never liked hearing the answers to questions from other people, especially children, but reading it in a comic or book, it's more like they're learning it for themselves. In the youth of middle school and high school, I think it is the time at which you can obtain and understand more, while still having the flexibility in your personality to adapt who you want to be more easily. To give people pride, and respect for others, and show them how to be strong and kind. I would like to show them characters like this that could give them a sense of a generous propitious humanity. Sometimes the best friend that you can trust and have give you great advice, may not even exist past the pictures and printed ink of book.

Squirrel Army

Going to the park today with my friend to enjoy, rest, and feed the squirrels! :D

If you knew how much I like squirrels, you'd be afraid. O_O BE AFRAID!!

Hopefully something great will come out of this day. The amount of agitation I've felt lately just can't be healthy, but I can not help but over think things. Unless you're there to tell me to stop worrying, I WILL worry.

*update*

Never made it to the park, ended up going with my friend to get her shoes. then she bought me lunch, and she went home to nap cause she got tired. Maybe I'll still go by myself later. cause I love me some squirrels :D

Is There Life On My Planet

We're all looking for a life that meets our ideals. I for one have no idea how to obtain mine. All I want is a sense of happiness. Not everyone wants that to be certain. You can say everyone wants happiness but happiness isn't always what brings people.... happiness? For example, for some people I imagine it'd be money, or possessions. It's not always a sense of peacefulness and contentedness. Sometimes it's having certain things, or being with certain people that will bring that feeling for them.

I think I didn't mean to talk about that but it ended up in that direction.

I'm a 23 year old young professional with an animation degree, haha I forgot 24 pretty much as my birthday is in a few days. It's almost sad to forget your own birthday but I'm sure I'm not the first to do it. At least I always remember before and not after.
I moved from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles the moment my degree was finished, hoping for a chance at breaking into something big in a place with big hope, big dreams, but unfortunately I found with little chance or faith in the ability of those that can do the job and "make it work"( as they say on Project Runway,) but are unsure of which direction they need to go to "make it work" not only for a company, but for them. I'm incredibly discouraged, but I'm not the type to not keep trying even if I need a moment to stop and rethink things.

My friend just told me "I feel like I'm alive but it's all relative anyway."

Is there life on my planet? Personally....I feel like I'm alive, but I don't know that I'm living.

You know, I can be an incredible ass when I'm upset or hurt over something. But that will usually follow someone not listening when I tell them the issue I have with them. This speaking from past and present experience alike. I don't like being that way, but what can I do? Just let someone walk all over my emotions?
I try to be loyal and trustwrothy and stay who I am because I know who I am is a good, and honest, and true person. But when you're continually being forgotten or ignored as someone unimportant by those you are trying to care about, it makes it really hard to not grow thorns around your heart. Where is that person that is concerned about how I'm feeling, if I had a good or bad day or am feeling lonely, happy, sleepy, drunk, energetic.

The person I am, that I want to stay.

Remember, that whenever you need it, and even when you don't, I will care about you. Even if I'm hurt and broken, there will...I will, always be there for you.

Because, there IS life on my planet.